If you are a female who idealizes That Woman, you know the one on Social Media or That Woman at your kids’ school picking up her well-groomed offspring, it can be overwhelming.
That Woman looks fabulous and together. She’s into Pilates or running or Crossfit or kale juice or something else that seems to keep her full of energy.
She’s a lawyer or a neurosurgeon or an international diplomat or perhaps a stay-at-home mother, but whatever she does, it appears she excels at it and is fulfilled. She uses hashtags like #honored and #grateful and #blessed.
Meanwhile, you’re shoving aside banana peels and empty soda cups to make room for your kid’s dog-hair-encrusted car seat. Or you’re wearing your husband’s track pant bottoms because you’re ”just” working around the house and they’re the only things that fit you right now.
They’re OK. Awesome, even.
And we’re not.
This might sound kind of weird, but…we are here to tell you...
We have worked with 100’s of women, and we know all their secrets.
Now, this doesn’t mean we’re creepy creepers. We’re discreet and committed to confidentiality.
But, at some point, clients have to open up and tell us honestly what’s going on, so that we can help.
That’s when it gets real.
If you don’t have the big picture, as we do, it seems like Everyone Else is doing so much better than you.
It seems like Everyone Else can handle their lives. Everyone Else quickly learns the habits we teach.
Everyone Else is losing weight or gaining muscle or getting fitter so much faster and more effortlessly than you. Everyone Else has everything you don’t.
In other words…
Getting into reasonable, moderate shape isn’t too complicated.
All you need are small consistent changes here and there. Walking the dog after dinner, perhaps a bi-weekly class at the gym, or packing an apple in your lunch will generally do the trick.
Getting into pretty good shape is a little trickier, but can be done if you’re committed.
You might need to focus more on food quality and portion sizes, work out a bit more, be more careful with your indulgences. Still, do-able if you’re so inclined.
Getting into film-shoot-ready or magazine-cover-ready shape is a whole other game.
You give up your life to do this. You eat out of Tupperware. You measure everything that goes into your mouth. Your entire routine revolves around eating (or not eating), working out, and sleeping so you have enough energy to work out again.
Now here’s the secret.
Women in the third group—the ones we often imagine are Everyone Else—are professionals who make their living that way. 99.99% of you are not those women.
So if magazine covers are off the table at the moment, what can you do?
There are more “fit and healthy” people than you imagine. They might not look like you expect.
“Fit and healthy” comes in many sizes, shapes, and abilities.
The gray-haired woman standing at the bus stop. Did you know that despite her arthritis, she goes to her dance fitness class four times a week?
Your child’s preschool teacher. She only has 20 minutes a day to exercise, but she does them faithfully, hitting her exercise bike while watching Netflix every day before she comes to teach. (Then she tries to spend all recess playing tag with 4-year-olds.)
What if you shifted your perspective to “a little bit better”, or “trying”?
What if you looked for small moments of health, fitness, and wellness everywhere?
What if you focused on doing what you could, just today, anyway?
It’s not going anywhere.
Grappling with pain—whether that’s actual pain and suffering, or just small daily annoyances—is part of being human.
As adults, we recognize life’s complexity and richness. Wanting to “be perfect” or “have it all” is not an adult wish. It’s a child wish: to have all the toys, all the time, even her sister’s.
Everyone has a struggle. You might just not see it.
These challenges are invisible. You often can’t see pain or disability. You often can’t see psychological distress.
And guess what—the Tone Zone Team struggles with the exact same things.
No matter what the challenge is, we have faced it..and we certainly aren’t getting any younger.
For instance, if you’re experiencing things like:
… then you could probably benefit from making some changes.
Sometimes, being in the depths of not-OK—for instance, having a debilitating gym injury, getting a scary medical diagnosis, or ending a relationship—is exactly the wake-up call we need to start working on being a little more OK.
Life is never going to be completely OK, 100 percent of the time.
The trick is to learn how to be OK with that not-OK, and work on making things just a little bit better.
You might hear phrases like:
You might also hear questions like:
If there’s a lot of invisible suffering in the world, there are also a lot of invisible successes and joys too.
Nobody besides you, inside your brain, sees you grappling with the “right choice” in a situation where you don’t have to make the right choice.
And when you make that right choice… BE proud of yourself for sticking to your values.
Maybe that “right choice” was pausing for ten seconds to review what matters most to you, and not grabbing that bag of M&M’s.
Maybe you were just following your shopping list when you grabbed those leafy greens.
Do you think that effort was small, and it didn’t “count”?
Success comes from putting small things on top of small things on top of small things, to achieve success.
Do you need accommodation or help? Find it. Get it.
Work on creating a system that helps you to help yourself.
The people who look like they’ve got it all together are good at getting help, and/or have a trusted system to guide them.
When we start accepting our own limitations—our own “not-OKness”—that’s when we start making changes for the better.
What are you trying to do? Write out the things you are trying to accomplish or achieve right now.
Now review those expectations.
Would a sane, kind, wise friend or mentor tell you those expectations are realistic?
(If you have a sane, kind, wise friend or mentor, ask them for advice.)
Then, if appropriate, consider how could you adjust them to make them more realistic and attainable?
Action is the antidote to paralysis.
Whatever you can do, no matter how tiny, do something, even when things don’t feel OK at all.
Do you need to add people to your “Project OK” team? Such as a trusted buddy or family member, a coach, counselor, or other health care provider?
If so, find them and recruit them to Project OK.
Ask for what you need. Let them help.
This is not a do-it-yourself project. Nor does OK happen spontaneously.
Along with helpers, you need systems to be OK. Things that remind you, guide you, help you, fill in the gaps for you, and generally help you stay more or less on track.
If so we’ll soon be accepting a group of new clients into our Tone Zone Jump Start program.
If you’re interested and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list.
Being on the presale list gives you two special advantages.
In the end, if you’re ready to feel more ‘OK’ and start eating, moving, and living better, this is your chance to get help from Mesa's premier womens coaching team.
With Health & Happiness Always,
Tone Zone Team